where?

Current Song : Jie Kou - Jay Chou

Of all that we've been through,
of all.....

am really tired of all the arguments,
its like everything's seems to be going downhill

where are we going?
where are we heading towards?
the vision i have is getting blurry,
I'm drowning,

sometimes i felt like im caging you up,
not wanting you to fly,
i know im too selfish,
maybe its time for you to spread your wings,
to a better place, a better environment..
a better life...

help :'(

ahhhh *relief*

Today z and i went to Pavillion after dinner to meet up with ellen melon, like seriously almost EVERYONE there is stylo, im so depressed.... im feeling so deprived of.. NEW CLOTHES! i passed by every store and felt the stab in my heart... IM SERIOUSLY NEED TO GO SHOPPING! :(

Pavillion has always been known as the hub for stylo cute gay guys, i have only been there for less than 3 hours and i noticed quite a few that checked me out T___T *feeling perasan* and then suddenly i recalled the gay guy from Jonker street who kept talking to me and ignore all my friends *shivers*

Then after supper at the beef noodle's, z and i backside itchy and actually went for massage nearby. despite all the torture i went through, surprisingly i feel great after that. Nothing much on the massage, but the thai ladies are hilarious!!!

Conversation started before she massages me

Thai Lady 1 : you man hansem!
Me : HAHAHAHAHA i'm pu-ying (girl)
Thai Lady 1 : you man hansem!
Me : *chadou* no im pu-ying (girl) not pu-chai (boy)
Thai Lady 1 : you man hansem!
Me : *sien jor* i no man, i am girl

Thai Lady 1 & 2 starts speaking in thai discussing about me

Halfway through the massage
Me : *screams* pain T___T
Thai Lady 1 : you man no ahhhhh
me : *chadou again*

WAH DAMN SLEEPY
IM GONNA SLEEP TILL NOON! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

manila

im back to manila again after the last trip in february 2007. it was a different kind of feeling again, because i was there on duty travel!

this trip is still amazing though there arent much to see. i have opened my eyes after a night at the stripper bar, seeing hamsap uncles go nuts and high. and these people are already married and have grown-up kids. tsk tsk tsk, disgusted.

we were pretty worried for the first few days, worrying about typhoon parma hitting manila. but thank god it passed through another area. i was hoping to get stranded over there so i do not have to work LOL

i just saw the news today that typhoon parma just hit taiwan. starting feel worried as i have some clients over there, wonder if she'd blame me for hardselling taiwan for her last minute trip T____T

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the earth is so angry, that it scares me. natural disasters are never ending since the worst tsunami case happened last few years. earthquake, tsunami, typhoon cases is one after another since then. I wonder whats next, it saddens me knowing the world is coming to an end. not very soon... but not very far away. anyway by then, i'd be dead. The world will be left with beautiful digital pictures only. Sigh....

silence

the silence between my father and i has never been gone ever since all the drama happened a year ago. Time flies, and truthfully saying, i havent done anything constructive on my path.

it was a huge relief hearing from my father, that the expiring roadtax has been taken care of.

it was indeed..a huge surprise, as i thought i'm long forgotten by this family.

and thats when i thought of my mother, that childish bimbotic woman that i had not contacted since February..

Its as if everything happened in a blink of an eye, i still remembering breaking the news to my bestie when we were walking in the mall, and i burst out in tears and got so embarrassed that i could stop.

raya

its 530 am now and im still wide awake, shes already soundly asleep while im here trying to finish up my work. im doing my colleague a favour cause she covered my ass for being late.

Im so demotivated at work nowadays. I hate waking up having to go to office. This feeling is coming back again. I hate the place, i hate the people, i hate how it's structure, i hate how it's managed. Its fuckingly disorganised and im starting to get very sick about it.

:( help me!

laugh die me

omg ive been going on hiatus for almost 2 months and finally decided to share this with everyone.. fucking masterpiece! Only loser people like me and sara will appreciate humour like this! cannot tahan weih, cannot stop laughing at this!

the original - boring *roll eyes*


the impersonator - laugh die me!!!!!!!!

attitude fuck

im so bloody sick of your attitude, so you think everyone deserves to have their face pissed on just because you had a bad day?

Wtf, just as i thought so, u will never fucking say sorry. Think. You are driving yourself away from people that loves u.

a beam of sunlight

sorry to all for the dead blog, have been busy and uninspired onto coming up with a new post.

I shall update you with what's currently happening now, HSBC called back and did not call me again, so i couldn't be bothered anymore. And recently Z has sent my CV to AON Insurance for the Broker position. Basically it is corporate and professional, no calling random people up for sales. And i have got an interview on friday, but truthfully saying i'm very not keen on that job. I'm actually very tired of the 9-to-5's , I want a breakthrough, i may get a salary increment if i get this new job but i tell you, it will never be enough. All the things that i have to pay, i have mentioned once that it is never ending.

Been thinking alot, thinking about future *yes chuanmei, im talking about future too LOL* I mean all the 9-to-5 jobs are seriously going no where, i get fixed income everymonth but what's the point? Somehow it is very stagnant. Besides, thinking of house to buy, car to buy, insurance to buy, everything revolves money and only money! I'm very paranoid now, I'm afraid of what's coming in future.

Been thinking of starting up something, a business it is, but i have no plans yet...

insomnia

sorry for the hiatus, been so busy surviving my job and everyday life.

My 阿姨 is getting better by day, but we are still waiting for the result. :(

Shall go to assunta and entertain her tomorrow :)

exhausted

i am mentally exhausted, all i want to do is just sleep!

***sorry zee avi! i went and download your album on bitcomet! **million apologies***

Besides I went and download Michael Jackson's album as well, wanted to buy the album the other day at the pirated dvd shop, but i was just too cheap! AHAHAHAH














What has happened to the world?
People get kidnapped, people get burnt to death, people telling lies that does not make sense..

so fucking wanna move out of this place...

T____T

HSBC called me already, after so long when i thought i was dropped. They seem very keen on hiring me! I struggled on moving on to this new job or stick with the old one.

DECISION MADE!
I.... cant take it anymore.. I AM LEAVING!

I really cannot stand having to spend ALL my hard earn money on car maintenance, toll, fuel, daily needs etc. I think i deserve to earn more and of course, spend on what i long for, for instance a simple trip, a wonky/dying handphone.... and not to forget to fix my car, again.. T__T

I cant always have to not eat lunch then to spend on car fixing and things i do not wish to pay for! Chaucibai, anyway work is definately shit. I think i do not want to hear anything that sounds like trahh-vell ok, im sick of this.

I've got something in mind.... Thinking thinking thinking~~~ *berangan-angan*

green

Green, I'm feeling very green today. So i decided to greenify my post today. Green is a very ohm colour, it represents nature, earth, tranquility yada yada yada bla bla, to cut it short, it is the colour for MONEY too!! $$$$$$$$$

I'm feeling stucked right now. Referring to my previous post, there are some changes on my job at the moment. HSBC did not call me after the interview, disappointed but relieved as I'm quite reluctant to work at crazy shift hours. Remember how i told my CEO/relative about my pay and never ending debts? Apparently my thoughts were shared among all directors of the company, no wonder the other day after we both came back from lunch, my CEO dragged all directors out for meeting.

Then yesterday, when i was happily doing my work. Suddenly Aaron was shouting from one corner "EH 4 o'clock meeting ya". Then i nodded and resumed my work, as i thought it would be regarding the upcoming Leisure Dept project. So happily at 4pm, i grabbed my pen and note book and head to the meeting room, to found out that the limelight is on me, not the project~!

So I'm going to cut it short, they are going to offer me RM200 of allowance instead of an increment. And Aaron beat around the bush telling me things, in a way i know they are trying to make me stay. After a night of thinking, I felt so wrong about the allowance and personally talked to Mary, my new reporting senior about it.

Then what she told me was, the allowance of RM200, is not some random sympathetic money to be given to poor staff who is starving at the roadside. So I asked why allowance but not increment, then she explained again that they have my salary reviewed twice in half year and it did not seem to be fair to my colleague, Wendy. And then she said that, they are giving this increment as there's an upcoming project and they need me to handle it. (And again, do not want me to leave). And the last explaination is, I just did a mistake which cost RM902.00 and its not appropriate to give me and increment.

Well at least i dont feel so pathetic now. But now my plans are messed and i'm stuck. Initial plan was to get a job and quit my current job, then one fine day i accidentally spilled my beans to Anne the CEO, then *pamMM!* stucked with this job again. Sigh... well at least i got myself an "increment"

:/ aih.....

not-so-secret interview

Last Friday i went for the interview in Cyberjaya for the call centre job position for HSBC, salary is good and benefits are good as well. I think HSBC called up my company right after the interview, no wonder i felt such a strong ignorance from my reporting senior and director, i came to work today and realised that they have started out the project which I'm supposed to be involved, without a word of asking me to come out with more ideas and destinations.

Then i had a chat with my relative, also the so called CEO of the company, i was being frank about my not-so-enough salary having to pay for my never ending debts, told her about finding jobs and going for interviews too. i thought it would better if i "surrender" myself before they have a chance to bitch about it behind my back. whatever not like i care much anyway

I made a wrong airasia booking last week and had to amend it today, it costs RM 902.00. I feel so bad weih, its almost the same but slighty lesser than my salary T_____T. I know i shouldn't be feeling guilty but heck.

Reminder to self:-
Thou shall not feel bad/guilty/mm-sher-tak for leaving this company.
There are a lot more opportunity out there with fatter pay cheques.

mesmerized

love her voice to death. listen to it and i bet you are as speechless as me. so mesmerized ♥

*drum rolls*
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ZEE AVI

Someone you used to know

Tonight you belong to me

Live with Brushfire Records

Check out Kokokaina / Zee Avi

i could listen to it all night ♥

sweet

Dear Alex,

Well noted with many thanks for the fucking reminder!
Just to CLARIFY a few things, last Thursday night on the calls that I did not pick up,
IT WAS DUE TO MY MALFUNCTIONED PHONE which does not vibrate/ring from time to time. And I only saw it at 12am midnight before going to bed, I got back to Sharini rightaway and did her booking, I understand that she was very worried about the room availability, and DUE TO UNSTABLE INTERNET CONNECTION AT HOME, it was obviously difficult to book, I TRIED UNTIL 130AM and finally succeed, thus I was late for work on Friday,

Sorry for all the inconvenience caused, MAYBE IF NEXT TIME YOU COULD NOT REACH ME,PERHAPS YOU CAN CALL UP OTHER COLLEAGUES FOR ASSISTANCE.

Regards,
Shu Li

This is what i replied the fucker, since he cc-ed it to Melanie and Agnes.
I DID THE SAME TOO HUAHUAHUAHAUHAU
..............mother fucker...

chocolate cake

yeah chocolate cake, mind you im not refering to anything sweet but to the pile of brown paste from the toilet bowl. I get so much shit nowadays, and im starting to get annoyed with life..... again. Like how unfortunate can things be?

1. i got screwed on MON cause i was accused for sitting on my task instead of finding solutions for it, yes it was delayed as i was fuckingly busy doing so many things.
2. on TUES i wasnt happy so i took emergency leave telling lies that my car has broke down, it took me some time to return my colleague's call as i couldnt be bothered, thus unhappy colleagues, and to found out about the dad-&-car-payment issue, thus me = upset,
3. on WED when i was out fetching sin and alex, side mirror broke, gotta fork out money again.
4. on THURS at 11PM (which is waaaaaaaaay after working hours) i got 10 thousand miss calls by bosses, didnt pick it up as my phone did not even ring, wonky bad phone, colleague told me that they think i did it on purpose to avoid their calls, fucking hell.
5. on FRI, got up late as i did hotel booking until 2am++, so i couldnt wake up and was late for work, got an email on my fucking punctuality. saying "Shuli, you seriously need to look into your punctuality, from monday onwards you have to be at office latest by 930am, unless with valid reason". And before going jst now, i asked my dad to borrow me his car since my side mirror is broken, he answered "why cant you drive with the broken mirror?" Pissed, so i drove out with the ugly thing hanging on my car.

Fucking screw you man! Thank you weewee for your advice on "WORK HARD, WORK SMART" Yeaps nobody is going to remember how late you work, how much you did for the company. No fucking body remembers. Karma is going to get back on you Bitch, fucking chinese. So ashamed to be born as one.

red scotch tape

i really do not know how unfortunate can i get? i got home at 815pm, to find myself having to pretend that i am totally okay, had to put a clown disguise. I felt a little better after playing with my sister. Where milky was supposed to be the one to put a smile on my face.

I do not know is it only me? or my father was giving me some kind of i-have-problems-with-you face... regarding the car repair payment. Remember i fixed my car last month? and i got conned unto some cheap china fan motor that malfunctioned after a week? After that i had no choice but to send my car back to my father's workshop. I thought he would bear it as i have been conned. But it came as a shock when i sent my car to fix the speedometer wiring, the mechanic told me that "your father asked you to pay the previous bill". I told him off by telling him i do not have money with me, and will drop by soon.

Can you tell me how am i suppose to react? Is it wrong for me to feel disappointed at him? I know it is not good to rely on parents or whoever, but tell me why am i hurt? why? having to pay RM330. It may not be much of a big deal, yeah just a fucking quarter plus of my pay, just fucking 28 percent of my pay, not like i've never bear a RM450 debt before. But it really hurts to know that i have no one, no family.

Other than that, when i was on my way to fetch sin and alex from the bus stop, my side mirror miraculously fell off leaving the piece hanging on to the car with its cable, to found out that the side mirror holder snapped for no apparent reason. Now i have to fix it again.

Having to survive with my current pay is not easy, it is not easy when there is so much things to pay. I dream for a better job, but what i found on job street are just crappy jobs which requires no brains = no qualifications. sigh saddening isnt it?

I took the only scotch tape i had at home, which is red in colour, and taped my mirror onto my car. how sad can i get?

call me bitter

i totally understand that every living being should have an optimistic mindset when facing their everyday lives, like the quote "fall seven times, stand up eight", i kept on reminding myself to practise that, until the point that i wanted to tattoo it on myself. I've been telling myself everyday not to drown myself with sorrows when life has countless of obstacles, not to sulk, not to complain, not to blame, not to runaway. But i guess im very much indenial, that people around me are really not as simple as i thought.

These people are full of intentions and full with self-beneficiary plans. Yes I do understand that everyone is selfish, and i cannot expect everyone to be selfless and nice. But can't they have some mercy at least? I do appreciate that some are indeed very very nice. I just talked to my office mate, she came downstairs when i was half way throught this post. She told me her experience during her studies, how she survived Australia when her parents couldn't afford to give her allowance, how she got through it.

I'm definately going to miss her, as i forsee a dead quiet mute Ng Shu Li at the new office with non of these adorable office mates, i will be surrounded by selfish people. I really do not bloody care what they think of me, how they judge me or whatsoever. How they discuss/bitch about everyone behind their back, I kneo that i have done my job, despite the fact that i procrastinate at times. If you think i'm a joke, take a mirror and look at yourself why are you still stucked here, why are you such a chronic hypocrite?

I always believed that "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you". But then i've come to realise human are always selfish. I have been belittled in everyway, bullied unto doing every single thing. I hate myself for being so weak, i hate it when someone accuse me but i cant speak up, i hate it when i see myself as a pile of dirt. I hate to be insignificant. Fucking manupulative cockroaches.

black-frame-thick-rimmed glasses

I got my black frame thick rimmed glasses! Chio or not? I contemplated on this for around 1 month plus, and decided to get it finally! I have been camwhoring with it but guess what... i havent prescribed my lenses yet! HAHAHAHAHA been pretty tight financially and im still saving up for my upcoming trip, and thinking of getting back my lost diving license, should i or should i not? it costs around RM230 when i last checked..... 2 years back! lol

watson sale

This is what i do when theres a sale at watsons and a spare cute box :)

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I feel like a sicko suddenly....

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well... what to do, no inspirations for bloggin ma T____T