call me bitter

i totally understand that every living being should have an optimistic mindset when facing their everyday lives, like the quote "fall seven times, stand up eight", i kept on reminding myself to practise that, until the point that i wanted to tattoo it on myself. I've been telling myself everyday not to drown myself with sorrows when life has countless of obstacles, not to sulk, not to complain, not to blame, not to runaway. But i guess im very much indenial, that people around me are really not as simple as i thought.

These people are full of intentions and full with self-beneficiary plans. Yes I do understand that everyone is selfish, and i cannot expect everyone to be selfless and nice. But can't they have some mercy at least? I do appreciate that some are indeed very very nice. I just talked to my office mate, she came downstairs when i was half way throught this post. She told me her experience during her studies, how she survived Australia when her parents couldn't afford to give her allowance, how she got through it.

I'm definately going to miss her, as i forsee a dead quiet mute Ng Shu Li at the new office with non of these adorable office mates, i will be surrounded by selfish people. I really do not bloody care what they think of me, how they judge me or whatsoever. How they discuss/bitch about everyone behind their back, I kneo that i have done my job, despite the fact that i procrastinate at times. If you think i'm a joke, take a mirror and look at yourself why are you still stucked here, why are you such a chronic hypocrite?

I always believed that "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you". But then i've come to realise human are always selfish. I have been belittled in everyway, bullied unto doing every single thing. I hate myself for being so weak, i hate it when someone accuse me but i cant speak up, i hate it when i see myself as a pile of dirt. I hate to be insignificant. Fucking manupulative cockroaches.