New hobby

Since young I've never been a person who bothers about learning how to cook as I've always been pampered with the luxury of a housemaid. Recently we have fired the maid due to so many factors and i am now maidless.

Having no cooked dinner when I get home got me imaginative, i start wondering about recipes, how my favourite food at the restaurant being done at home.

Here's a list of food I have worked on recently!

1) Aglio e olio
2) Poached eggs on toast
3) Mushroom omelette

Will try to work on new dishes wheeee

1Malaysia?

Being born and bred in malaysia, a multiracial country, a nation of segregated races and of social extremes. Though unspoken, but deep down everyone knew the sensitivity of racial issues. Since young we were all taught in school to be kind to each other, but being placed in a chinese primary school, my childhood is practically surrounded by only Chinese, having friends from other races is non existence and I could only hear stories from the textbook featuring ah Chong, Ali and Hassan.

When I entered national secondary school, there I was culture shock a little, so many people of different skin colours. And being Malaysians, we all find our comfort zones by forming cliques of own races, I dare to admit that I was one of them. After a few years throughout high school, through television and magazines influence, I grew to be against racism and social classes, I think everyone should be equal, why one should be judged through their skin colour, background and wealth, we are all only human. I then start to mingle around and adapt from hanging out with the bookstore kakak to listening to malay songs.

After stepping into the society, me being me, naive and thinking I could make a difference, i kept the same attitude towards everyone until one fine day, I got robbed and practically felt cheated, because I put my guards down, two young boys who were merely 18 years old smashed my car window and took my bag, from then on everyone of other races and classes looked like criminals to me, I fear them. I then learn to know the cruelty of the society, you really need to judge someone by their looks, I run whenever a motorcycle passes, I stare at people in fear that they would rob me, I then became what I've been against for - Racist. I get angry at myself sometimes why do I behave this way but I'm left with no choice!

I work near a squatter area, I normally fuel up at the fuel station nearby, i'm always cautious with my bag and lock my car immediately when I get in, there was this fine day, when I just withdrew money from the ATM machine in the fuel station. I ran out quickly afraid someone might be marking me, there was this guy on a motorbike parked right in front of the door, as I walked out he held the door, I was scared and he let me out and gave me a warm smile. I was stunned and return him with a thank you, then I realized what a person have I turned into?

Then it kept me thinking what is the main reason of all these social classes, segregation of race and bad economy? I believe all causes are chained reaction. Simple as it is for racial segregation, language and education plays an important role, we all grew up speaking different languages and cultures and were then put into different schools, for example I grew up only to know about Chinese language and cultures, reasonbeing the decision by my parents because education in national school is incompetent. truthfully speaking i have lived my whole 24 years in malaysia and I don't even know how kadazans sound like and what do they do and eat during their new year celebration? One thing is the rakyats has becomes ignorant at one point when knowing nothing can be done to make a change, one's patriotism has been put off again and again by this disappointing country. Theres when education plays an important role, take for example school should take native language as an optional and focuses on speaking the international language - English. And school should improve the standard of education. You will be surprised how many illiterate still exists in Malaysia? And then why the raise of criminal rate? Because standard of living keeps going up and yet the salary remain the same. All issues from raising one's minimum wage to improving public transportation. Malaysia has been taking its own sweet time whereas other countries is now way ahead of us. Now it's time to forget which race is boss but to focus on the development of our country, screw politics and propagandas, our current EC is too caught up with corruption and they have already forgotten about the rakyats, Truly hoping for a change for Malaysia.

10th August 2011

i wished that human were born without so much emotions, this disappointment is so overwhelming, sigh dont i deserve a little more than that?

15th May 2011

its been sometime since i last spend my weekend alone, though a little uneasy, but i guess im so recharged im all ready for bootcamp tmr :D

Its my last week of bootcamp already, and i wont be continuing for next month :( . Though most of the time i dread bootcamp, but deep down i secretly fell in love with this torturous military training :( sigh.

I will take whole month of june to think whether to resume or not! Hooyahhhh!

money money money, its all about the bucks. Sigh, how i wish i could go somewhere new. I hate where i am now, stucked with routine.

okay im all ready for bed now, gonna hit the sack! Nanites

9th May 2011

im feeling bothered today, this naggy feeling is so annoying, suddenly the world felt like its going to end. There is no purposes in life anymore.

Why?? I need to go out now, and buy my grape flavored ice lolli

28 February 2011

song : pink - fuckin perfect

year 2011,one year older and counting.

sometimes i am amazed by how the brain works. through times as we age, unconciously we change into somewhat another person. i still do not like to use the word mature, i wont say i am but at least, better than what i am before. has different priorities in life, and i've finally learnt the true meaning of being resposible. family bond is important, if you're borned nice and you dont really bite, family are prolly the only people that has ever seen you chew on your brothers arm. i secretly likes it when my sister annoys me, that kiddo has broken the ice-burg that has been accumulated through nasty arguments.

im in debt, in debt with the most important figure in my life. father, where would i be without you? you have raised a difficult child, who screwed up life and once blamed you for every single trouble she has got into. there you were trying your best to reach out me, but i put up a wall.... till now my heart kinda falls everytime i see your sad looking eyes, and those grey hair you never once had. and that fact that when i ran away, that you'd wake up several times in a night to look out the window hoping to see my car parked right at my usual spot....

i am trying my best to be home, though not my bestest and sometimes you might not even seen me at all for a couple of days during the weekend, but thank you for being so understanding.... allowing me to spread my wings....

xmas

Xmas is around the corner, although i do not celebrate Xmas in a Christian's way, but its a festive season where families and loved ones get together, i love all the christmas songs, they never fail to give me the warm fuzzy feeling < 3


also since its the end of the year, bonus times, self-rewarding times, gift for loved ones times etc.

so little money, yet so much stuff to wish for

1. someones birthday present
2. build my pc (can you believe i cant even install adobe photoshop 4)
3. my vespa dream
4. iphone 4 / ipad / itouch (can make up my mind)
5. plans for vacation

how?

magical feeling?

Need that magical feeling so badly right now, i think my period is coming, i am... slightly depressed with ... Um you know, things again.

I just attended my aunts 57th birthday, i come to realise that she has aged, and also shes now suffering from kidney disease, that makes her look even sick and haggard, looking at her does gives me this sour feeling. Prolly its easier to tell in chinese '心酸' in exact. I remember how she watch us grow and now how i watch her turn into this very very sick person, i feel so helpless. I love my aunt as much as i how love my mom. Or maybe more in other sense, put it this way, she was there for me when my mom failed me, failed us, failed the entire world. I cannot imagine myself losing this aunt, my bestest aunt. sigh, not that im not worried bout mom. Shes now 56 but she looks like shes in her early 40s, unlike her, she reminds me of my late grandmother, how she suffered the same kidney failure and went through dialysis for 10 years. What is life? I see people dying nowadays, im scared that one day i'll see non of my elderly relatives anymore, i dont see my familiar celebrities on tv anymore, im scared of death, not my own but the people around me.

As i grow older, i tend to tear very easily, i have soft spots for like dying dogs stories, mother/father and children love kinda thing, lover's stories as well. I was never that person who watch tv and cry on scripted stories. Now i remember how i cried like fuck during 'Marley & Me' when the dog died, and the reanactment of '911' how those family members of missing victims holding pictures by the street looking so lost, and even 'Up' when oldman was telling stories of how his wife died. Sappy me but i guess i now understand why my mom used to cry over stupid scenes from retarded hokkien series.

Sigh can something cheer me up please?

scared

i dropped the isetan job, sigh.. Actually can someone give me a guideline for job interviews? Do we apply 1, called up, go for interview wait then drop the job when theyre not offering much then apply again then repeat the cycle, or apply 100 of them at a time, go for all interviews, go interviews during diff periods and pick the job that calls first?

My second interview at this recent company was also, Stupid, cant believe i actually sounded so bodoh, but they buy it and wants to confirm me already. But i told them i need some time to think, i talked to friends and they thought this company is just simply blood sucking and uses employees as cheap labours. I decided to drop this too, though basic is 600bucks higher and not inclusive of 300bucks allowance. Allowance is definitely too low for the sales job :/ sigh for to myself, bye bye 900bucks, what makes me decide to decline the offer is because they will make us come back to office by 630pm for meeting that might go on up to 10pm and saturday basically u'll spend ur whole day at office. Wtf? And sales target seems to be impossible and im scared, I know beggers cant be choosers but im too afraid. :s

I hope the company near my area calls me up, i can cycle to work and save up on toll, fuel, parking and also food, i could save up around 300bucks, not to forget car maintenance will defo be lower! And please pray that the basic + allowance is higher than my current job, so that i can say adios fuckers!

My perhentian trip is amazing, i didnt want to leave, once i stepped foot back in kl, my heart dropped, i miss being in the water, it gives me this magical feeling, i feel home, ive only been there for a week and it felt like forever, its like i need to get used to this unfamiliar city life all over again. It saddens me very much.

I know i need to get back to reality but sometimes i do question myself what is this life? why am i here in this place that i dont feel belonged? Thats why I need to get a decent paid job, i want to save up to pursue my dream, i need to get away from here pronto!!

hiatus

i know i know, this is definately not the first time going hiatus, hahaha sorry! I've been real busy with work...... Like really lor! Dont believe meh?

Looking at old blogs, makes me realise what kind of person i was, and makes me feel foolish for jotting down those words. But well, its also life and transitions. i might even find this post stupid in 6 months times. i really find it amazing about this being-in-the-world feeling thing, its so surreal, its like 'this is it, its really happening', dont worry im not high on weed.

I can definately say ive turned over a new leaf, although im still lost, but im defo a good girl. Throughout those rough period, i wanna say sorry dad, ive failed you, im sure that i will never do it again. And to my 2nd brother, im so sorry for all those hatred, i know you were very worried and frustrated,and to my bestfriend, we've been through too much to even describe our brotherhood (applicable for sister too lol), appreciate all those catching you were to do just to get me home, though it did put our friendship into jeopardy. I'm sorry for being so bratty and wanting things my way that you decided to give up on me. I know all these words, are barely enough to show how regret am i towards those foolish behavior. Its sad that you've gone, glad that things went better, you even agreed to meet you with your frienemy, my another bestfriend, till today, they still cant get their hands off each other....'s hair.

my one and only colleague, has finally left us, i know we didnt get along well for almost more than half of my employment period, but i grew to befriend her and we're mates now, definately felt the misery having no one to talk to in office, so many times i talked to myself at my own cubicle, forgot that shes no longer seated opposite me. Well i'm also looking for new jobs now, isetan wants to hire me at the same salary level, but with extra working days and extra miles to work and lastly stupid parking. Im already struggling now, i bet it'll be worse. Though i like that gay interviewer/team leader, i forsee that we'll be bffs. Arghh lets not think about it yet.

I heard an old friend is going through divorce/separation, my heart kinda dropped when i knew about it, when i heard her marriage i was glad that someone actually has control of her and maybe can lessen her irrational behavior but looks like ive forgot that separation is more norm than eating rice nowadays.

in 1week plus time, i'll be going on a trip with z, its actually our first to be exact, as we're always with friends. Cool and s and r are joining us few days later. I cant wait to dive in that gorgeous pool. How i wish i can live by that moment.

受

受气多过吃饭，

我每天都在受气，
受了气还得对别人好声好气，
还被别人喷得一脸屁，

我有那么好欺负吗?
!~@#$%^&*(@##@#)_)(*&

panadol

i just took 2 panadols and going to head to bed soon,
Took a 3 hours nap before going out for tea, therefore here i am, so awake

im going to sunway lagoon tomorrow, hopes its gonna be sunny all day, and my throat will be better, its been draggin on for a week and it still hurt :(

had some chat with s.pyi earlier on after dropping off the rest, the pig was hungry, thats why we ended up in banana leaf,

did some talking, and i realised what a failure am i, i have pratically no life goals or aims for future, no money to spend on things and for my loved ones,

dear you, sometimes i really hope that you'd realise you deserve more than this, head faraway, for a better living, better life, why would someone stick to a sloth like me, ive always knew that you like lovely gifts and flowers, whenever i had that in mind, i will open my wallet, pause for a second, sigh and walk away.

lotsa thoughts are running through my head, growing up is such a difficult task, where we have to face all kind of reality and have to bear loads of commitments,

i wish there is a panadol for this :(

dream

nobody can shatter my vespa dream


Earlier this year, my kepala was too big and wanted to buy over an almost 6k vintage vespa bike, which i think again luckily i did not, cause i couldnt even support myself and my SLK very well (definition of SLK : small little kelisa).


All friends been persuading me not to buy it, but i was really stubborn. as I REALLY LIKE THE BIKE. Not having any motorcycle license but already wanting to own it already. tsk tsk tsk

How can you say no to this love?

But recently baby has been persuading to change my direction towards the new vespa, which i saw on road and its cuteness is indescribable. Its like how sara shrieks when she sees patrick oliver and how baby drool over lady gaga.

i wonder if anyone will smack my head if i were to say i'm planning to buy one next year? of course the vintage one, cause its cheap but will be lotsa repairing to do. Dont screw me pwease...

no more Mr.Red :(

will only stick to red color

where?

Current Song : Jie Kou - Jay Chou

Of all that we've been through,
of all.....

am really tired of all the arguments,
its like everything's seems to be going downhill

where are we going?
where are we heading towards?
the vision i have is getting blurry,
I'm drowning,

sometimes i felt like im caging you up,
not wanting you to fly,
i know im too selfish,
maybe its time for you to spread your wings,
to a better place, a better environment..
a better life...

help :'(

ahhhh *relief*

Today z and i went to Pavillion after dinner to meet up with ellen melon, like seriously almost EVERYONE there is stylo, im so depressed.... im feeling so deprived of.. NEW CLOTHES! i passed by every store and felt the stab in my heart... IM SERIOUSLY NEED TO GO SHOPPING! :(

Pavillion has always been known as the hub for stylo cute gay guys, i have only been there for less than 3 hours and i noticed quite a few that checked me out T___T *feeling perasan* and then suddenly i recalled the gay guy from Jonker street who kept talking to me and ignore all my friends *shivers*

Then after supper at the beef noodle's, z and i backside itchy and actually went for massage nearby. despite all the torture i went through, surprisingly i feel great after that. Nothing much on the massage, but the thai ladies are hilarious!!!

Conversation started before she massages me

Thai Lady 1 : you man hansem!
Me : HAHAHAHAHA i'm pu-ying (girl)
Thai Lady 1 : you man hansem!
Me : *chadou* no im pu-ying (girl) not pu-chai (boy)
Thai Lady 1 : you man hansem!
Me : *sien jor* i no man, i am girl

Thai Lady 1 & 2 starts speaking in thai discussing about me

Halfway through the massage
Me : *screams* pain T___T
Thai Lady 1 : you man no ahhhhh
me : *chadou again*

WAH DAMN SLEEPY
IM GONNA SLEEP TILL NOON! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

manila

im back to manila again after the last trip in february 2007. it was a different kind of feeling again, because i was there on duty travel!

this trip is still amazing though there arent much to see. i have opened my eyes after a night at the stripper bar, seeing hamsap uncles go nuts and high. and these people are already married and have grown-up kids. tsk tsk tsk, disgusted.

we were pretty worried for the first few days, worrying about typhoon parma hitting manila. but thank god it passed through another area. i was hoping to get stranded over there so i do not have to work LOL

i just saw the news today that typhoon parma just hit taiwan. starting feel worried as i have some clients over there, wonder if she'd blame me for hardselling taiwan for her last minute trip T____T

.
.
.
.
.
the earth is so angry, that it scares me. natural disasters are never ending since the worst tsunami case happened last few years. earthquake, tsunami, typhoon cases is one after another since then. I wonder whats next, it saddens me knowing the world is coming to an end. not very soon... but not very far away. anyway by then, i'd be dead. The world will be left with beautiful digital pictures only. Sigh....

silence

the silence between my father and i has never been gone ever since all the drama happened a year ago. Time flies, and truthfully saying, i havent done anything constructive on my path.

it was a huge relief hearing from my father, that the expiring roadtax has been taken care of.

it was indeed..a huge surprise, as i thought i'm long forgotten by this family.

and thats when i thought of my mother, that childish bimbotic woman that i had not contacted since February..

Its as if everything happened in a blink of an eye, i still remembering breaking the news to my bestie when we were walking in the mall, and i burst out in tears and got so embarrassed that i could stop.

raya

its 530 am now and im still wide awake, shes already soundly asleep while im here trying to finish up my work. im doing my colleague a favour cause she covered my ass for being late.

Im so demotivated at work nowadays. I hate waking up having to go to office. This feeling is coming back again. I hate the place, i hate the people, i hate how it's structure, i hate how it's managed. Its fuckingly disorganised and im starting to get very sick about it.

:( help me!

laugh die me

omg ive been going on hiatus for almost 2 months and finally decided to share this with everyone.. fucking masterpiece! Only loser people like me and sara will appreciate humour like this! cannot tahan weih, cannot stop laughing at this!

the original - boring *roll eyes*


the impersonator - laugh die me!!!!!!!!

attitude fuck

im so bloody sick of your attitude, so you think everyone deserves to have their face pissed on just because you had a bad day?

Wtf, just as i thought so, u will never fucking say sorry. Think. You are driving yourself away from people that loves u.