magical feeling?

Need that magical feeling so badly right now, i think my period is coming, i am... slightly depressed with ... Um you know, things again.

I just attended my aunts 57th birthday, i come to realise that she has aged, and also shes now suffering from kidney disease, that makes her look even sick and haggard, looking at her does gives me this sour feeling. Prolly its easier to tell in chinese '心酸' in exact. I remember how she watch us grow and now how i watch her turn into this very very sick person, i feel so helpless. I love my aunt as much as i how love my mom. Or maybe more in other sense, put it this way, she was there for me when my mom failed me, failed us, failed the entire world. I cannot imagine myself losing this aunt, my bestest aunt. sigh, not that im not worried bout mom. Shes now 56 but she looks like shes in her early 40s, unlike her, she reminds me of my late grandmother, how she suffered the same kidney failure and went through dialysis for 10 years. What is life? I see people dying nowadays, im scared that one day i'll see non of my elderly relatives anymore, i dont see my familiar celebrities on tv anymore, im scared of death, not my own but the people around me.

As i grow older, i tend to tear very easily, i have soft spots for like dying dogs stories, mother/father and children love kinda thing, lover's stories as well. I was never that person who watch tv and cry on scripted stories. Now i remember how i cried like fuck during 'Marley & Me' when the dog died, and the reanactment of '911' how those family members of missing victims holding pictures by the street looking so lost, and even 'Up' when oldman was telling stories of how his wife died. Sappy me but i guess i now understand why my mom used to cry over stupid scenes from retarded hokkien series.

Sigh can something cheer me up please?